In most ancestor traditions, it's usual to make an offering to the spirits of the ancestors. European Christians typically just offer memory, prayer and light in the form of a votive candle. For the recently departed, offerings of colour and fragrance in the form of flowers or incense are often made. In other traditions (this is common in Chinese families), food (especially foods favoured by the departed) can be offered.
The offerings are typically set out on or in front of the grave before you begin.
In the Name of the Most High: +Progenitor, Logos and Pneuma Hagion
Raphael, healer, bear witness!
Michael, protector, bear witness!
Gabriel, herald, bear witness!
Uriel, companion, bear witness!
Thanksgiving
Call to mind your memory of the departed.
I give thanks for the life of [Full Name], [list of relationships and roles]
For example, in praying for my mum, we said:
I give thanks for the life of Kathleen May Mansfield. Wife, mother, grandmother, friend, teacher, healer, writer and poet.
I give thanks for...
...whatever you want give thanks for about the person's life.
Light a candle.
I light this candle in her/his memory and in thanks for her/his life and the life s/he has given me.
I light this candle in her/his memory and in thanks for her/his life and the life s/he has given me.
If visiting a grave or memorial garden, you can take this time to simply sit and remember the life of the departed, or talk with others present about shared memories. Sometimes it's useful to talk about your current relationship to your memories of the departed person.
Closing
I pray for the repose of his/her soul. Rest eternal grant him/her, O Lord and let light perpetual shine upon him/her. May the souls of all the faithful departed, through the love and mercy of God and the prayers of Our Lady and all the saints, rest in peace eternal. Amen.
Raphael, Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, I thank thee.
If it's not safe to leave the candle burning when you leave, simply blow it out after the closing.
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